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Gaslighting, a form of emotional manipulation

Happy New Years! Well I expected and hoped that NYE would leave me optimistic and ready to take on the world but per usual someone tried to rain on my parade. To this person, guess what? I still had a great time because I made it that way! So in a¬†way I will thank this person and the universe for giving me a chance to prove that this year will be whatever I make of it, no more depending on others for MY happiness! I remember me ūüėČ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CJlxp9UAUc

Now for the in-depth analysis…….

A good friend sent me this article the other day on gas lighting and how women are manipulated and perceived as being crazy for having emotional reactions to inconsiderate behaviour.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/yashar-hedayat/a-message-to-women-from-a_1_b_958859.html

I assume that he sent this to me because of recent experiences that I shared with him.¬† Without going into too much detail, I totally and completely agree with the author’s assertion.¬† I am an intense personality, I mean I am a redhead, it comes with the territory right? But I have also been called abnormally logical for a woman.¬† The second clause in that sentence is exactly what bothers me about men.¬† So because I am logical and a woman that is strange?¬† Seriously?

However, the same man who¬†can compliment¬†my ability to remove all emotion from a situation and handle confrontation rationally can then accuse me of “overreacting” and being “dramatic” when their poor behaviour is called into question.¬† The idea that¬†both those aspects can truthfully coexist in one human being is a little far-fetched.¬† I am certainly not asserting that I have NEVER overreacted¬†but it is not my norm.¬† I am considered to be a strong, independent and intelligent woman. I say that I am “considered” this but I believe it to be true as well or at least I do until a man tells me that I am not.¬† I am unsure as to what is worse, the fact that I allow myself to judge my entire personality because of what some dude says or the fact that men seem to want to control me with manipulation.¬† Either way, it is an unhealthy and undesirable cycle.¬† I find myself making the same excuses and exhibiting the same traits that are described in the article.¬† Telling someone¬†that¬†it is acceptable that you stood me up, or did not call, or were late, or took the¬†cowardly way out when it is entirely NOT!¬†And why? Because if I tell you what an ahole and how ill-mannered and disrespectful you were, I will be the “crazy” girl.¬† It is amazing, I spent years in a relationship with someone who manipulated me in this manner and now that I have been back in the dating pool, I have already witnessed it.¬† I am sorry but common decency and consideration are not too much to ask for and if you are going to try to convince me that they are, you will be met with resistance!

I can only imagine society without the understanding and forgiveness of women.  I also contemplate the legitimacy of the diva philosophy.  I had a friend once that told me I was way too nice and sweet.  She said that this was my problem. She on the other hand acted like a total diva to guys. If they did ONE thing that she did not like, she either totally iced them out or acted like a total bitch.  Unfortunately, this garnered the  opposite reaction that I would expect, they loved it.  They chased her down, begged for her attention, bought her gifts, took her to elaborate dinners and vacations.  They could not get enough and it was almost as if the meaner and more irrational she was, the harder they tried.  Up to this point, I have rejected this philosophy.  If I have to play games and act out of character then I do not want you.  But some men really do seem to respond to the challenge girls, which I appear to be at first.  After awhile though, they figure out that the tough and hardened exterior that I present is just that.  Once the facade is penetrated the goal has been accomplished and interest is lost.  And yet, I hear men endlessly complain about bitches, gold diggers, divas, and self-absorbed women. But when confronted with a good, sweet and caring chick that digs them, it is just too easy.  So the acting out commences and they start testing your resolve.  And when you have finally had enough of the BS and you express your frustration and disapproval, you are a psycho or melodramatic.

I am all for personal accountability and growth but the endless attempts at deflecting responsibility¬†lead nowhere.¬† I am not crazy for¬†expressing my dislike for something rude and inconsiderate.¬† It does not make me a drama queen that when I caught you being dishonest I told you that it was unacceptable.¬† Now if I threw my shoe at you and cursed you out or slashed your tires, maybe……. But merely stating my displeasure, no!

So here’s a thought, women stop criticizing yourselves for being expressive and dudes, if you did something that is not cool, admit it and move on!

Now then 2012, watch out because this girl is feeling empowered ūüėČ

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